Hello.

I write letters to those I feel deserve them.

Month: January, 2012

Live Journal

Dear Live Journal,

Just kidding. No one writes to you anymore.

Love,
Paul

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Love

Dear Love,

Of all the four letter words, you’re the most vulgar.

Love,
Paul

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Vegans

Dear Vegans,

How do you feel about Otterpops?

Love,
Paul

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Asshole Friend

Dear Asshole Friend,

Why do we hang out again?

Love,
Paul

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Elmer Fudd

Dear Elmer Fudd,

How you ever got a gun license is beyond me.

Love,
Paul

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Fantasy Sports

Dear Fantasy Sports,

How do you feel about a fantasy Facebook league? I’ve got a few friends I want to trade.

Love,
Paul

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Coke Zero

Dear Coke Zero,

You’re the king of pop.

Love,
Paul

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Siri

Dear Siri,

How do I make love to you? You’d rather not say? God, I love it when you play hard to get like that.

Love,
Paul

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Sex Drive

Dear Sex Drive,

Food is just more important these days and I’m perfectly okay with that. No one ever got the clap from chicken nuggets anyway.

Love,
Paul

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Cleavage

Dear Cleavage,

Thanks for all you do. I appreciate it.

Love,
Paul

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